Check out these contrasting maps of the USA today, as it stands for gay couples and our families:
The greener the state, the better off things are for gay families. The dark green states have marriage equality (8 states plus Washington DC). The light green states have comprehensive civil union or domestic partnership laws (9 states plus Washington DC). The stripey states recognize out-of-state gay marriages, but do not allow gay couples to marry there (3 states). The lightest green states have limited recognition of our relationships (3 states). The white states do not recognize our relationships at all (30 states).
Contrast that first map with this map. The dark orange states have constitutional amendments that ban marriage rights and any of form of relationship recognition of gay couples (19 states). The light orange states have constitutional amendments that ban marriage rights for gay couples (10 states). The stripey states have DOMA laws that ban marriages and other forms of relationship recognition of gay couples (7 states). The lightest orange states have DOMA laws that ban marriage rights for gay couples (30 states). And the white states have no legal bans on marriage or relationship recognition for gay couples (11 states + Washington DC).
Check out this website for more detailed analysis.