Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Gay Marriage is to Napkins What Straight Marriage is to Paper Towels

That's what Rick Santorum claimed recently while in Ames, Iowa:
I can call this napkin a paper towel. But it is a napkin. And why? Because it is what it is. Right? You can call it whatever you want, but it doesn't change the character of what it is. So when people come out and say that marriage is something else — marriage is the marriage of five people, five, 10, 20. Marriage can be between fathers and daughters. Marriage can be between any two people, any four people, any 10 people, it can be any kind of relationship and we can call it marriage. But it doesn't make it marriage. Why? Because there are certain qualities and certain things that attach to the definition of what marriage is.
I'm guessing that polygamy equates toilet paper (double ply, of course), incestuous relationships are analogous to wet wipes, and bestiality is a biodegradable poop bag.

BTW, openly gay Republican presidential candidate Fred Karger beat out Santorum in a recent Harris Poll.  Karger got 2% of the vote compared to Santorum's measly 1%.  Lesser known candidate "None of These" beat out everyone with 46% of those polled.  There's been no word yet whether Karger prefers napkins to paper towels, though he is the only GOP candidate who supports marriage equality (or DADT repeal or pretty much any gay rights issue).

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