Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Millionaire Matchmaker Only Insulted "LA Gays"... Except for when She was Insulting All Gays

Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger raised some hackles Sunday night when she accused gay men of being uncurbable non-monogamists and Jewish men of being liars.  As noted in my post last night, Stanger eventually took to Twitter and explained that she wasn't ragging on all gays, just LA gays.  Apparently, she decided to do some more damage control last night and appeared on Joy Behar's talk show to further explain herself.  I'm thinking that she should have just apologized on Twitter and hunkered down for a couple weeks.

Andy Towle of Towleroad sets the scene:
Stanger says that people missed the point on WWHL, that she was offering advice on an L.A.-specific gay relationship. “Whether you're straight or gay, that's player town. Did I say all gays? I said the gays in Los Angeles.”

Stanger then tried to explain her advocacy work on behalf of gay men: "For five years I have put gay dating on the map. Nobody ever did this. There was no LOGO then. And I did the NoH8 campaign, I was an advocate for gay marriage, I stood up there for my gay friends. I've got more gay friends than Carter has pills."

She then negates her L.A.-specific excuse by asserting that gays "all around the country" are shallow, sex-first, relationship-later individuals, and then insults the gay community on marriage.

Says Stanger to Behar (my transcript):

"In the show when we do the mixers, the guys are passing around the telephone numbers, they're sleeping with each other, even after the millionaire gets the date he's sleeping with the pool of people. My (gay) friend...says 'Patti this is what it's like around the country.' This is the gay community. I said, 'I'm trying to curb them.' Now this is not the lesbian. The lesbian gets involved. They move in together. They're quiet. They're at peace. But the gay men. They whip it out at eye lock. They get involved, and then they find out later whether or not they want a serious relationship. And I hope they use the privilege in New York of gay marriage, because now they have it. And a lot of gays aren't getting married, even though they have the privilege."
Personally, I think there's a grain of salt to what Stanger is talking about.  But, she generalizes quite a bit here and she really needs to stop that.  She needs to figure out if she's generalizing about all gay men or just the LA ones.  If she's talking about her perception about all gay men, then she needs to stop claiming that she's just talking about those LA gays.  Even then, I can't believe that LA is filled with this uncontrolled population of uncurbable sexaholics.

As to Stanger's final point, lots of gays (presumably gay men) aren't getting married because they haven't found someone compatible to marry.  I would think that Stanger would be familiar with this concept, given that she's lived many, many more years as a single woman than as a married one -- and even that relationship didn't last very long. 

She needs to realize that many gay men are indeed married.  Others will get married when the time is right.  And others could benefit from her assistance, assuming that she takes their desire for a lifelong match seriously.

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