Friday, March 9, 2012

How *Not* to Decline a Gay Wedding Invitation

Several months ago, I wrote a blog article about politely declining a gay wedding invitation. It still gets lots of hits every month. I was reminded of that particular blog article when I learned of this 700 Club clip from Right Wing Watch.:

Question: This is from Kathryn who says: ‘I’ve been asked to be a bridesmaid in my sister’s wedding. There is only one problem. My sister is gay and she’s marrying her partner. I don’t know what to do. If I don’t agree, our relationship will be ruined. I don’t even know if I should attend the wedding, much less be a part of it.’

Robertson: That is a very hard decision but you can’t add you’re—if you go what you’re doing is saying ‘I bless this union and I agree that what you’re doing is right.’ You know the Bible is so clear about homosexuality and when you read in what Paul said, he said, ‘Wherefore God gave them up,’ and having given them up they did evil things with their own bodies, men for men and women with women, defaming their bodies. Read Romans, read the Book of Romans, this isn’t something I came up with, read it in Romans. You say, ‘should I go to my sister’s wedding, should I participate,’ the answer is to tell your sister, ‘I love you but I cannot participate a ceremony that is contrary to God’s word, period.’ If she doesn’t like it, if that breaks the union between you, that’s tough luck.
It doesn't surprise me in the least, but Robertson failed (BADLY) to advise any of the suggestions from my earlier blog article. There is no appreciation that Kathryn's sister's desire to include her own sister at her wedding. There is no appreciation that Kathryn's sister is preparing for one of the most precious days of her life. In short, there is no appreciation in Robertson's advise about being kind or considerate towards the sister. There is no thought that maybe Kathryn could come to the wedding and/or attend the reception as a way of being polite, enjoying a piece of cake, and keeping the peace. And there is no attempt to come up with a non-judgmental excuse for skipping the wedding. In fact, Robertson says that it's Kathryn's sister's fault if there's any fall-out from her religious condemnation of her new family and wedding.

Hopefully, Kathryn's comes up with a compromise solution, not unlike this Catholic woman in this discussion thread. She ultimately refused to stand up with the wedding party, but she still attended with wedding and reception with her husband (but without the kids) -- though she needs to quit putting quote marks around words signifying her brother's wedding, union, marriage, family, etc. It's really rude, IMHO. Setting aside her needs for annoying quote marks, this Florida mom found a way to respectfully be with her brother on his special day while still establishing clear limits that respect her own religious disagreement. I don't agree with her disapproval, but I respect her willingness to compromise for the sake of her brother and his new husband.

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