Saturday, July 25, 2015

Can Archie Survive the Sharknado??

I have something to confess. I've never seen "Sharknado." The same thing goes for "Sharknado 2" and "Sharknado 3." Actually, I've seen one scene from the first movie, but that's it. But I love the concept and I hear lots of good things about this crazy film franchise. I'm sure that I will eventually see one or all of these movies. But I have read ARCHIE VS. SHARKNADO, a one-shot comic book published this week by Archie Comics. It was timed to coincide with the premier of "Sharknado 3."

Here's the concept. There seems to be an outbreak of tornadoes on the coasts. And they randomly snag sharks from the ocean. And those sharks then snag nearby people, leading to outrageous and gory confrontations. And, it seems though I need to watch the movies to confirm, you stop the Sharknado by blowing up the tornado. Or something like that.

Basically, there are flying sharks that eat people.

By the way, here's a disclaimer...

This blog entry contains spoilers. If you don't want to know what happens in ARCHIE VS. SHARKNADO #1, the stop reading now. You have been warned!

Back to the show...

ARCHIE VS. SHARKNADO begins in Washington DC. Mr. Lodge is going before Congress to go over some bill that will save the world. Maybe it has something to do with the Sharknados. That was unclear to me. But he took Betty and Veronica with him so that they could sight-see. Unfortunately, the Sharknado strikes Washington DC -- leading to the gruesome death of Mr. Lodge and several other bystanders.

Betty and Veronica team up and manage to slay several sharks. They figure out that the Sharknado is heading towards Riverdale. They realize that they need to get back home to warn their friends and family about the approaching threat -- plus there's a school dance and they need to protect Archie from Cheryl Blossom!

Of course, there's no way that they can outrace the Sharknado. The entire Riverdale Gang is on the beach, celebrating on this enormous party yacht, which appears to be owned by Cheryl Blossom. This is one of those stories when you wonder why Betty and Veronica continue fighting for Archie's attention. They're away for one day and he's already putting the moves on Cheryl. In fact, Archie and Cheryl will remain a couple throughout this story -- even after Betty and Veronica eventually return to Riverdale.

Anyway, the party is quickly attacked by hundreds of hungry sharks -- leading to the deaths of several party guests. Not only that, but ARCHIE VS. SHARKNADO takes out the one character who probably could have stopped this whole shark invasion with one magic spell. It's true. Sabrina the Teenage Witch and her cat Salem were both killed off early in the book. So sad...

The rest of the regulars end up getting back to shore safely -- but realize that the Sharknado is heading straight for Riverdale High School -- scene of the before mentioned school dance! Josie and the Pussycats are performing at the dance -- alongside a band called Quint. I'm assuming that they're from the movies.

Archie and the Gang are too late to warn their classmates. The Sharknado strikes the school and several students -- plus Melody's hand(!!) -- are taken out by the sharks!

The group realizes that they need to take their fight directly to the Sharknado. They arm themselves with all sorts of chainsaws and blades and begin slicing and dicing all sorts of sharks. Their ultimate plan is to disperse the Sharknado using a special bomb of Dilton's creation. Which just seems like silliness -- but that's apparently how the first Sharknado was defeated.

I don't think it's too much of a spoiler to reveal that the Sharknado was eventually defeated. We lost several Riverdale residents, though not as many as you might think. Here is the casuality list: Mr. Lodge, Sabrina, Salem, Reggie, Ms. Grundy, Alexander Cabbott, and countless faceless victims. Plus, there was one absurd laugh out loud moment where Cheryl Blossom loses who bikini top to a passing shark. It still cracks me up!

Ultimately, this was a crazy, nonsense-filled romp. You don't need to be a fan of "Sharknado" to understand what's going on. But I can't help wanting to track down these movies on Netflix and Syfy to get caught up with the larger storyline.

"Archie Vs. Sharknado" is written by Antony C. Ferrante, penciled by Dan Parent, inked by Rich Koslowski, lettered by Jack Morelli, and colored by Andre Szymanowicz & Casey Silver.


Donny Hampton Jacobs said...

Disturbing: Archie Comics' recent embrace of gory violence in their comics. I'm willing to bet I'm not the only one who's uncomfortable with it. Granted, I offed Jason Blossom in a Psycho-type scenario in my own cartoon narrative, but that story was explicitly targeted to adults. Personally, I would not want my child reading a comic where a teenage girl's arms get graphically bitten off by sharks.

Jon said...

I think the only saving grace here is that this book is so cartoonishly violent -- especially compared to Archie Vs. Predator. I'm behind on blogging about that title, but that book was extremely violent -- especially in the last couple issues.